Happy 28th, Kade!
This is the ninth birthday without him here. The first few were big, looming, and painful. Maybe it’s because there have been eight and a half years since his death…or because it’s COVID times where we’re in our tenth month of everything being a muted version of itself…or a combination…that this one does not seem so jagged. It seems more…hilly.
Being a grief therapist is great therapy for myself. I sometimes do the things that my clients and I discuss. Today I let my family know that I needed time to journal, and carved that time out tonight. I’m sitting on my bed with Kade’s softest flannel on and journals and pens strewn about. I might punctuate my evening with breaks to watch a show or have a snack with my family.
Today we played a little tennis. On our way home we went through the Starbucks drive-through to celebrate Asher making it through his second Suzuki violin book. He really is a hard worker at violin. This day before Kade’s birthday felt like a great time to buy the coffee of the car behind us in line. I’m glad we were all in the car because I’m usually by myself when I do that. Asher told us that he learned that doing something for someone else was brain healthy. Today we all got to share in the the serotonin boost of that little gesture.
Tomorrow we’ll go to Kade’s stone (I still don’t want to say, “the cemetery”) and then a hike. Unfortunately it won’t be one of the gorgeous 50- or 60-degree bluebird days we occasionally get in winter. It will be a high of 34 with chance of snow. Despite the forecast we’re still going because 1) winter was Kade’s season,
2) we had a great time being outdoors in the mountains last weekend, and 3) it’s been too long since I’ve gathered with his friends.
A fourth reason is that I had flannel masks made for his birthday that I’m excited to give!
Happy celestial 28th, wherever you are, Kade!