capture your grief, day 9: surrender & embrace

Early on I learned the phrase, Lean in to your grief. I have a grief counselor who has imparted that the crazy feelings I come in with are OK and normal. I’ve gone to an incredible bereaved parent retreat with a focus on mindfulness and being with your grief.

Does it suck to surrender to the sadness? Is it hard to embrace the emotions? Of course. Is it easier to avoid, and not go there? Yes, and I often do. Well, when I get through the things I need to get through in a day, like being around other people, going to my part-time job, or going to class, I am likely actively avoiding going there. Sometimes I’ve put off journaling for months. It’s been so hard to physically open it up, get my Kleenex, and know the pain that will ensue. But it’s cleansing. It’s…surrendering.

This may sound strange, but at four years out, I schedule time for going there. When I go to Buena Vista for the anniversary, I carve out alone time to journal by his river. When we go on vacation (it’s especially hard because I wish he was with us), I set aside time to journal. When it’s been too long, I crave things like being with my grief friends, going to Kade’s stone, going to a grief retreat, and journaling.

I suppose I crave those things, as a mom craves being near her child.

This topic, Surrender & Embrace, reminds me of other powerful sentiments: You can’t get around it, you have to go through it and If you don’t deal with it, it deals with you.


October 9, 2016, the Front Range at sunset

2 thoughts on “capture your grief, day 9: surrender & embrace

  1. Jenny you’re writings are so incredible. I’ve read each one even though I’m only replying to this one. The one with your anger really touched me to the core. You make me realize how much I can take for granted. I love you! Sending you big hugs!


    • Thank you for reading them, Aunt Beth! I appreciate your support. I can feel your love across the miles. I hope you can feel mine, even though I am terrible about reaching out and calling. 🙂


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