capture your grief, day 21: relationships

21. RELATIONSHIPS | How have your relationships changed? Did you lose any? Have you made new friendships?

Because the death of my child colored everything, my relationships have changed.

Some are more real and authentic. A life-changing event nudges in that direction.

Some have been strained because of the fact that more truth does enter in.

Some have been shaken up a bit because I’m learning what I can and can’t expect from others for whom this is also new, and who are also figuring it out.

Over some rough spots, I thought that I was losing relationships. But then something I was told clicked: The words or actions that I perceived as hurtful were coming from a caring place. People Just. Don’t. Know.

Some relationships are more distant because I don’t have the bandwidth to reach out as much as I would like. Some of that is purely due to energy, and some, to emotional availability.

But most of my relationships can take the bumps and curves, and continue to grow and develop. Change is hard. Who wants a relationship to change? Screw that, let’s stick with what’s working. But the only constant is change, right?

I certainly have made new friends. The bonds within bereaved parent circles is unexplainable. We can let our hair down at a meeting. We can talk about our intimate stories over omelettes. We can share our narratives: the unabridged versions.


Wash. Park, Denver, 10/19/16

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